Feeling hopeful ~ As the weather slowly attempts to shed winter and blossom into Spring, I feel this little bubble of hope floating around within me, turning dark corners into light, conversation into laughter, smiling without it being a reaction to something external, it feels good to smile and ‘be’ happy. And hopeful. Just the other day I found myself in a really good mood and had no idea why. As the thought floated through me I realized the happiness was coming from inside me, pure and simple; not from something or someone else, with that awareness, I embraced the feeling, walked down the sidewalk smiling and laughing aloud, enjoying the moment.
I want to take the feelings of hopefulness; happiness ~~ expanding it, pushing everything else out of its way. It feels like POWER, all positive, all strong, all kinds of light and yes, even a bit sexual. Reminding me that dreams and goals are reasonable ~~ actually Achievable! It is possible to become even healthier, stronger, that I can improve upon my running, that I can take myself to an other level of fitness and speed. That finances will finally fall into place, and grow. That my specialty career will grow in new and organic ways, feeding my happiness and peace further. And the one I fear the most ~~ that there is love out there for me. A love that is a perfect fit, customized to my personality, or personalities depending on who you ask. At times I think I have found it; and other times I think unless I am found it doesn’t really matter much what I think I found. I want to believe in the love that comes first with friendship; that grows into loyalty, trust, laughter, fun, quiet moments, adventure and the deal breaker is I want, want for both of us, to be able to open our hearts and really share ourselves without fear or judgement. Joining the emotion, the desire for a strong physical connection, one that can slide from gentle, timid, to robust and athletic. And that there will be constant kisses and the soft touch, the holding of hands. Kisses that start with saying good morning, and a hundred other reasons from hello, “your funny”, I love you, to good night.
“Summoning up a true love spell called Amas Veritas. He will hear my call a mile away. He will whistle my favorite song. He can ride a pony backwards. He can flip pancakes in the air. He’ll be marvelously kind. And his favorite shape will be a star. And he’ll have one green eye and one blue.”</a> I want to believe I have had this journey in life so my future can embrace all new adventures, love, and friendships with a zeal and confidence. And that when the love arrives, I will recognize it, welcome it, not avoid it or run from it. And when I do run that I run for Myself, for peace within myself, not to run from anyone or any circumstance.
Hopeful and Happy ~ And wishing the same for you <3