I have yet to start to feel comfortable writing, I sit and struggle with where to begin, how generic my expressions should be since just about everything in life is connected to another person. I do know my heart is leading this adventure and it wants to write, to unleash many unspoken emotions, desires, hope and even the unwanted. This blog is the place I am giving myself permission to step out and explore; to find my authentic self. This blog is putting to rest the person who has laid just below the surface, the one who quietly moved along in life, while doing all that was ‘expected’ of her. The good daughter, loyal employee, the Mom, the lover who allowed herself not to be first in the relationship, thinking everyone else was just a bit more important than myself. This blog is peeling away another layer, and getting me closer to a life that is filled with truth, laughter, light,and most importantly, love 🙂
I recently began to embrace that there is no one more important in my own life, than myself. Without starting here, there really is nothing to share with anyone else. I first started to learn that lesson physically a few years ago when I became ill and found myself home sick for months while the doctors poked, prodded and drew blood trying to find a concrete answer to the issues. The lesson I learned; “you have to listen to your body, your spirit, your inner voice” when they start telling you that you are tired, emotionally, spiritually, physically or all of them, you must step back and not only rest, but replenish. This was an awakening for me, when I really started to peek my head out of the shell that covered my life.
And you know what really knocked me? Was that when I looked around I saw so many of my friends, especially the women living at the same pace. Task, Task, Task, little bit of laughter, Task, little bit of loving, career, Task, Task. ugh. Without any passion. After that experience, I found myself parroting the ‘self help’ truth sayers, saying things that felt unfamiliar coming from my own tongue (still lack of courage) but I felt safe speaking the words of others until I started to find my own words. I knew I had to learn myself how to live life with passion, and with “truth” being the leader, not allowing the “people pleaser” to lead. I had been hit with the reality, making others happy, did not necessarily mean it made me happy. I had to learn to be truthful with myself, then to my child, then it began to flow to the others, and with truth, my passion started to trickle out.
Taking small steps in different areas of my life, I started to become truthful with myself, truthful with my word and meaning, to give myself permission to rest, (replenishing still look a while to embrace). And one day I took a leap and tried on a dream I had for a long time, and not only ‘did it’ BUT ‘did it well’, and with flair, and fun, and laughter. WITH PASSION!!!! The experience was such a rush, such a self esteem booster that I became the poster child for the phrases; “Scared? Do it anyway” and ‘If I could do XXXX, you can do XXXX.”
Today I am a lifetime or two away from my past and still reaching towards my future. Most days are good, hopeful, positive, filled with laughter, desire, and the belief in true love. And some days not so much, but even on those days, I hang onto the good, not allowing myself to fall too far — usually. But another lesson learned, when I do feel myself sliding back, I call in reinforcements, those who love me, those who will understand that particular hurdle and I allow them to encourage me, hug me, talk me off the edge, pick me back up and onto the path of light.
Namaste
This video came across my path early this morning, a true sign, for myself, and I hope for you also.
writinglearninglaughing 